miss ko na xa...

i'll keep this really short...

basically i miss SWEET so much... :)
it's been 4 weeks since i last spoke to him...^^
6 more days and it's our THIRD monthsary... every monthsary is really special to us..
sana lng andun na xa by then..^^

with attitude..:D

its been AGES since GACHE was together..it was fun hanging around with the girls again... :)) naging mga cam whores nanaman kmi.. :)) hahaha... ano ba yan.. dami dami namin pictures... :D pero now, medyo meron kming 'new' name its C.SSS.H... :)) that's a secret na kung ano meaning nyan...

we went sa arcade where we, or should i say 'they' played on the dance revo... i must admit, i can never follows those arrows.. hahahaha... na tataramta ako.. ewan ko ba.. :( nag mumuka akong engers dun sa arcade kahapon..:)) they also played billards... i was the assigned 'camera woman', i was wearing a different cardi kasi, they were all in blacka nd white but me? lol i chose to wear PINK..:D pasaway as always...:)) well what's new with that?

tapos.... we also went to Mcdo to have lunch...:D hahaha after waiting for the Gole Cruz sisters who were almost an  hour late...:)) we all agreed to meet at 1pm.. they arrived 45 mins late... :))

tapos, we watch karate kid.. :D it was sooooooo awesome.. :D and jaden smith was such a little cutie... and that  chinese girl.. idol!!! ang cute nung dance nya..:)) tapos ang galing nung mga fight scenes ni Jaden Smith.. then me and jo we kept on laughing the whole time... the woman infront of us,i think she got a little pissed...:))

after watching... nag tambay kmidun sa circle sa town... :)) para lng kaming ewan.. as usual para di kmi maxado ma bored, we did, what WE did best... cam whoring... but i like to say that the camera just loves us...:)))

next week ulit girls...;) can't wait to see you again!!:D

that's us... GACHE or C.SSS.H
hahaha...

what if?

if you were given the chance, to go back in time and change one thing, just one thing, what would that be?

has this ever cross your mind? even just for a second?

me? quite a few times actually.

i have this habit of thinking of "what ifs"..

what if i didn't do that..

what if i said this instead? 

what if i just kept quiet.. 

this thoughts pass my mind whenever i feel like i did something wrong. not that i regret doing it. it just makes me think why  i did it.

you know that feeling? that you want to turn back time and undo what you did? or go back a few years and tell your self then NOT to do it?

THINGS would be completely different.
its like the butterfly effect.

if you change one thing in the past, it doesn't matter how small it is, even if deciding not to buy that candy, it will still have have a BIG impact on your future.

let's say i didn't go abroad with my parents and decided to stay with my ate and kuya in the Philippines.
this I think would have had happened to me:

• maybe I continued studying high school in Manila.
• maybe the "thing" i had with Adrian would have worked.
• or if it didn't i would have met someone else.
• i'm in college now doing what i wanted to be when i was still there..(Dentistry)
• i wouldn't have discovered my "writing side"
• no entanglement with james lol...
• i wouldn't have met Babes, krakon, tol, darl,mika,bru and all THEM people..:))
• ohh and.. i wouldn't have met that one person would holds the key to my tear glands.. yep.. tear glands.. 

even if i think of what if, i wouldn't want to change things. i know its very tempting when offered the chance to do so... i wouldn't be a hypocrite and say that i wouldn't be tempted.. i will but maybe i'd go back to a time where i can prevent my self from getting hurt. not emotionally but physically... like getting that scar on my knee.. something as little as that... 

as they say, you learn from your mistakes. sometimes, to learn the most important lessons in life, you got to learn them the hard way. 

that's why even if i cried more times when i met him than i had in the past 3 years.. i wouldn't change anything ... i'd still choose crying for four whole hours and having red, puffy eyes the next day, rather than living smiling and laughing and not knowing how special and loved he makes me feel every time he wipes those tears away..:)  

"you're the reason why i have the strength to
shed the tears inside me.
knowing that once it falls, you're there to wipe them away
and tell me that everything would be alright.
you're there to hold me tight and tell me that
you love me no matter what.
since you came, i know the tears i shed aren't worthless.
you gave meaning to every tear.
it's a reminder that everytime i fall,
you're there to pick me up."
:)
-cay
 

can't get you out of my head...

hello!!! musta naman kayo?

meron akong bagong shoes!!! :D shoes!!! hahaha
wala lng random random...:D

anyways.. kayo ba, when you hear a song and you like it, it usually sticks in your head dba? :)) ganito kasi ako ngayon... yung song ni Jason Derulo "Blind" and "What If"... "What If" inspired me to write a new story.. although i haven't started writing it, i already have a rough idea on the concept para dun sa story.. :D i have to finish the one im writing atm muna... lapit na matapos (i think...:/) fingers cross matapos ko yung story before August 11... haayz...SURPRISE kasi yun para sa monkey ko...:D

umm... ohhh and i recommend that you listen to Superman by Joe Brooks its suuuuuuuuper nice!!:D

another song that's stcuk with me atm, is Forever Ain't Enough by J. Holiday. there's a line from the song that particularly stuck with me

" that even if we fight a million time over little thing

 we can still make it better..."

it just reminded me of how me and Sam deal with our "problems"... we try our best not to argue with each other but even if how much we try not to, we always end up having one... its funny, 'cause even if we weren't "bati" we still talk to each other... then gradually, we make up and say sorry... hahaha... tbh, it's him who usually says sorry... i only say sorry if i know its my fault.. wahaha.. ang sama eh noh? ma pride kasi ako? lol... pero if i know it was me who had done something wrong, i say sorry and start to "lambing him" tapos BENG! ayun bibigay na... hahaha...:))

pero what's nice with us is that we done really include past events if we argue... if we argue, we only argue about what happened now... we've never included past arguments with what's happening atm.. :D

pero ang song ko talaga for Sam is Band Aid by Pixie Lott...
you should listen to it..:)

 

TITA!!!

had u ever had yung experience na kala mo bf/gf mo yung nakasagot ng phone? tapos parents pala nila yun? but without realising it, u just talked and talked, then suddenly someone would say,"ay iha/iho hindi si_____(fill in the blank) mum/dad nila to"

ako?

oo

it happened to me...
:))

and it was REALLY embarrassing..

ganito kasi ngyari...

baging gsing ako from my siesta, then i thought i'd send him a message on SKYPE, so ayun nag message ako, as usall send lng ako ng send msg to him.. hi sweet musta? bagong gising lang ako fro my siesta... ano ginagawa mo? ganyan.. tapos may nag reply sabi sakin

ineng, mum nin Sam to... kausap ko yung isang anak ko.

sus maryosep... nagising ako dun...:))

usually when i'm nervous or i start to feel anxious, i blabber.. :))
sbi ko:

hi tita congrats sa baby (Sam told me kasi that she was expecting... and yun yung unang nag enter sa akin na fact about her..)

sbi nya:

oh thank you. ikaw yung gf ni Sam diba?

sbi ko:

opo tita. i'm Cay po pala.

 then she said:

hi cay. ako si linda. sabihin mo lang sakin kng may ginawa si Sam sayo. iuntog ko ulo nya.(something like that... yung sinabi ni Tita sakin nun..)  sige iha kausapin ko muna tong anak ko. usap kau ni Sam mamaya.

then finally i said

sige po tita, nice meeting you po.

so after nun.. i texted my friend si jo telling her what happened.. then funnily, she told me she had a similar experience, but with Sam and Lex's (kapatid ni Sam) dad...:))

so ayun... that was my first meeting with my bf's mum..  

 

 

 

 

 

me + you.. imma tell it one time...

sino mas maganda ang pout?
hahaha..:))
^-^v

when we weren't still going out with each other, i had this random thought... yung kapatid kasi ni Sam and my bestfriend, they had an endearment, they call each other "lab" and "baby"... so as a joke, i told Sam, "u wnat tayo din meron?" hahaha.... ako kasi na babae, hindi ako ~CHEESY~ as in i cringe whenever i see  a couple na super sweet an parang pugita na sila to each other or nilalangam sila sa kasweetan..:))

so i thought of "bibingka" hahaha.. yes.. bibingka as in the kakanin bibingka... tas na tawa lng si Sam... sbi nya... Sweet nalng, then sakin Sweetie. so yan tawagan namen ngayon ni Sam, Sweet and Sweetie...

pero hindi parin kami cheesy... well, we do have our times... cheesy kami in a way that we argue alot and people find THAT cute.. or we tease each other endlessly until isa samin mapikon.. usually we get "pikon" at the same time.. tapos its either mag tataray ako or mag susungit xa.. :))

pero dami na singit... lahat na ngayon ng tao tawag skin SWEET... hahaha... sa fb kasi me and Sam we call each other SWEET or SWEETIE not by our names.. pag minsan lng.. so yun.. my kuya, yung mga friends ko, my cousins... they ALL tease me... pati si Sam:)) niloloko din..:)) oh well, kawawa naman kmi..

pero ano magagawa namen? tao lng kmi..:))

pero merong signs... when i start calling him Sam or he calls me Cay, what ever we say next is serious... like proper serious.. so ayun... we have this warning signs as i call it...
:D

nanay&tatay

ang hirap ng situation ko, especially kng bunso ka...
ako? certified na bunso...
me and my ate, we have this MASSIVE age gap between us... 11 years...
same with my kuya., 8 years...

so just imagine the SHOCK nila mommy and dad nung nalaman nila about him...napaka apprehensive nila...
at first, talagang tago ako... yung laging kinakabahan.. i was always anxious, whenever mum or dad arrives while im talking to him... i always make up excuses... its either "si jo ang kausap ko" or " just someone" hahaha i think in the end naka halata na din sila...

it went to the point na kinuha ni mum yung sim card and phone ko pati internet ko kinuha... pero medyo wise din ako ehh.. meron akong mga "extra" na sim cards na naka kalat lng sa side table ko.. whenever she takes my sim, i make sure that she doesn't get my phone too.. :)) so ayun...

pero alam nyo kng ano yung masakit para sakin? yung na paparanoid ako na baka ma disappoint ko sila mum.. like how my ate and kuya had disappointed them.. i have this huge weight on my shoulders, always telling me, urging me to do the right thing... pero ano ba yung right thing? ano ba yun? di ko alam ehh... alam ko lng, i;m just going with the flow... kahit kelan, impulsive talaga ako.. so sinunod ko yung gusto ko.. so ang labas, stubborn ako... hahaha...

kahit ilang beses na sinabi ng mommy ko sakin na wag na kausapin si sam... na itigil ko na... i say yes  pero tuloy parin pag usap ko kay sam... kay sam ko binubuhos lahat nung frustration ko... and natatawa ako kasi even if i rattle on and on about it... he just quietly listens... ang tip nya sakin: "sweetie, just remember, pasok sa right ear, labas sa left. ok?" hanep din no? hahaha.. pero tama xa...

there was one time, me and mum had our usual "little petty argument"... anyway.. i told sam about it and i told him.."don't you dare suggest to break up with me..." hahaha tas he just laughed.. kasi ang tahimik nya... so i felt like it was coming... so ayun... he just laughed it off... saying, "wala naman ako sinasabi..."

so nung first monthsary namen, he sang Always be my Baby tas ginawan ng friend namen ng video... sam isn't into writing... he's the kind of guy who isn't really good expressing his emotions or feelings into words... so if he does, i know he's sincere... sabi nya..."what ever the condition with your parents is, i can wait..."  and wait he did...

pero we're getting there... kami ni sam? we're getting there... medyo ok ok na sila mommy ngayon..:D which is really good... sabi nga ng mum ko sakin kanina.. "cay, kami ni dad cool lang kami about this, pero mag ingat ka..." something like that... pero ye yung gist ng sinabi ng mum is mag ingat ako in the sense na dapat i know what i;m doing. be careful with Sam.. yung ganun...

kaninang umaga nga, cause i told mum that he was in the hospital... then she told me, "cay gusto mo ba tawagan si sam?" and i was like. was i hearing it right? was she really suggesting that i call Sam? hahaha... iyt woke me up... pero kanina, when she got home from work, i asked her if i can text him.. she lent me her phone and even agreed to give Sam her roaming number...

so yes people!! we're getting there slowly but surely!!:D